my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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