Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
