I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
