have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
