There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
