Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
