She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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