Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
