I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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