If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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