umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
