i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
