Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
