it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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