Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
