I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
