then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
