haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
