She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
