so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
