I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
