well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
