you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
