I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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