Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
