put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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