maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
