She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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