...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
