I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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