my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
