forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
