Who wears a wallet chain?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
