so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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