apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
