Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
