i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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