THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
