Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
