Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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