I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
