Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
