lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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