you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
