Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The struggles of a small town man whore
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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