tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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