Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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