My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
