You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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