remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
