Its about making memories worth repressing
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
how does that bad decision feel?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
