you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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