This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
