Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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