I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
